2008

I know the year 2008 is going to be something to remember. It was about this time last year that the Lord began to speak to me about who He really is and how He wants to use me.
That is actually the whole reason why I began to use this blog in the first place. A place where I could write down my thoughts, frustrations and revelations! A place where I could be encouraged by others and for God to encourage others through me as well.
January must have some sort of significance to it because the Lord has been clearly speaking to me again. This time it's a different type of speaking, He is teaching me about the eyes and ears of my heart.
This week has been a very draining week; spiritually and physically. I wasn't quite expecting to experience some of the emotions and thoughts that I have had in the past days, but they have been good... hard but good.
A couple of days ago we had some students from the H.S. over to our home to watch a DVD about the Ugandan children. The DVD is called "Invisible Children" and for those of you who don't know what it is, I will post a linc. Anyway, these children leave their homes and families because of what is going on in their country. Rebbels are forcing the children to fight in a war to take over their own government. The children are trained to kill, fight and live with the army that they have built. The documentary we watched is very hard to see. The children that flee their homes, schools and families go into the city to find a safe place to live so that they are not taken captive inot this war. It was in this story that the Lord began to show me how it must feel to be one of those children. At one point the interviewer asked a boy what he wanted to be when he grew up. The boy couldn't look into the camera and was on the verg of crying the entire time. It was in this instant that I could see and feel how much pain, shame, and guilt this little boy had from that very simple question. A question that we as American's get almost every day as a young student. But this question wasn't so simple for this young boy (12). Inside there wasn't a reason for an answer, no hope for an answer. When the boy did answer he said he wanted to be a teacher.
The next day I had a similar experience of something God was trying to show me. There is a girl here at our H.S. that has many emotional issues. She suffers from depression and other self-destructing symptoms and there have been many days that I have sat with her and tried to comfort her. But on this particular day it wasn't just a manic girl that I saw. I saw a girl who was sad, so sad that she couldn't be normal like the other kids. A girl that was tired of fighting whatever it was inside of her that made her want to hurt herself.
That day I went home and cried for the hurting children in our world. For not only the children, but the people that suffer for no reason. The Lord allowed me to feel just a tiny bit of what He feels every single moment. It was too much! I asked the Lord to take it away because I couldn't do it.
Our church is presenting the opportunity for a fast January 28th-February 1st and I am anxious to see what He chooses to do with that time. The Lord is faithful and I am waiting expectantly for what He wants to do through me and how He wants me to pray!
Psalm 96